


it only hurts when i'm breathing

by spacebby



Category: Batfamily - Fandom, Batman - Fandom, DC Comics, TimKon - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Heartache, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Married!Timsteph, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 19:59:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6022858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacebby/pseuds/spacebby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Conner's pushed Tim out of his life ever since Tim married Stephanie. But he can't ignore him forever, and that's his problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Just a thing I thought up at 2 am when I was wide awake and couldn't sleep. Bear with me, I swear it will be good.

A year and a half. That's how long it's been since Conner had talked to Tim. 

Not that he kept track, nah. Nothing like that. 

It's just that he happens to know today is six months away from Tim and Stephanie's two-year wedding anniversary. How does he know this to the exact time? It might seem odd, considering Conner hadn't even been there for the wedding. Conner had completely shut Tim out of his life after that horrible day. Despite Tim's desperate attempts to continue reaching out to his best friend, Conner never bothered to do the same. So eventually, Tim had given up, too. 

And yet, that makes Conner ache even harder. It hurt thats Tim doesn't try anymore. And Conner knows it is his fault, because he shoved Tim away, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. 

Bart had been the one who had figured it out. After Tim and Stephanie had been whisked off on their honeymoon to the Bahamas (courtesy of Bruce, no doubt) Bart had zoomed right into Conner's bedroom and asked where the hell Conner had been, and said Tim had been crushed that his best man had skipped out on him. And Bart was BART, and Conner couldn't keep anything from him because 1) Bart was really sort of brilliant and 2) Conner couldn't keep this bottled up inside anymore. He had to tell someone. 

And Bart had kept his secret, though he claimed he knew all along. 

And then Stephanie had given birth to the baby. Cassie had shown Conner a picture from when the baby was a newborn, but that was the most Conner ever saw of the kid. He doesn't want to see any more than this. He doesn't want to think about the little home Tim lives in with Stephanie and their child, on the outskirts of Gotham. He doesn't want to think about how the two of them have given up the vigilante lifestyle to have a normal, happy life for themselves and the baby. Most of all, he doesn't want to think about Tim cuddling Stephanie at night, or about him kissing her or anything like that. It feels like being punched repeatedly in the gut. 

It's not that Conner doesn't like Stephanie. Of course she'd be with Tim. She's beautiful and kind and smart, and a real badass. And he can't blame her for loving Tim, either. After all, he knows exactly how that feels.

A year and a half since he'd seen Tim. Since they'd spoken last. A year and a half, and Conner still loves him. 

And he hates it.


	2. Chapter One

Kara isn't really Conner's cousin but she is Clark's, so it feels like technically, she is his, too. At any rate, she's family, and he feels himself brighten when she comes to visit him on a gloomy Monday night. Kara has a knack for making your day better.

She throws her arms around him when he opens the door to the small loft he shares with Bart and beams at him. "It's been too long, Kon." She says, grinning as he hugs her back. 

He feels a twinge of pain at the fond nickname. The only other person who called him that, really, had been Tim. Why did everything remind him of Tim? No matter where he turned, he couldn't let go of him. 

Still, he agrees with her. "How have you been?" He asks. 

Her warm blue eyes sparkle at him. "I'm better than ever. I just saw Steph today, too."

"Did you?" Conner asks, trying to seem nonchalant. Damn. He'd almost forgotten how close Kara and Stephanie were. 

"I did! It felt good to see her again. It's been forever." Kara pauses. "You know what she's doing? After she feels comfortable leaving the baby at daycare, she's going to law school. Stephanie. A lawyer. Can you believe it?"

"Yes." Conner mutters. And he can. Figures. Tim is some high-up executive in Bruce's company, and Steph's on the road to being a lawyer. Of course they'd be a power couple. 

Kara's silent for a moment. "Tim was there too." She adds, hesitantly peeking out of the corner of her eye. "Y'know, he misses you."

"I doubt that." Conner says, doing his best to keep his voice even. 

"No, I mean it." Kara says gently, taking his hand. "I don't know what happened between you two but Tim forgives you. For missing the wedding. For not meeting his kid."

"Stop." Conner says sharply, shutting his eyes tight. He had thought Kara had come over for a nice evening but apparently the purpose of her visit was to guilt trip him. 

"He just... he wants to see you again, Kon. Especially after my visit with Steph today. I think my coming over made him really miss you a lot."

"I'm not going, Kara."

"Why not?" Kara's eyes flash. "Did he do something to you? Did Stephanie? You've never even explained this. I can't fathom what could have happened to break you two apart. You were so close for so long."

"Just drop it, Kara, okay?" Conner snaps. "Please."

"Drop what?" Both Supers turn to see Bart standing in their doorway. "Hey, Kara." Bart grins, running over to kiss her cheek. 

"Careful, freckles. I'll tell Rose." Kara threatens teasingly. 

"Please don't." Bart's eyes go wide. "She will carve my liver out."

"Relationship goals." Conner mutters to Kara, who snorts and has to stifle her giggles. 

Bart takes a spot on the sofa in between Kara and Conner, who both scoot over to make more room. Conner, personally, couldn't be more relieved at the timing. Bart had saved his life. "How are things with Cassie, Kara?" Bart pipes up, munching on a Pringle. Before Conner can blink, Bart has downed the whole canister in seconds. Typical. 

Kara's whole face lights up. "Things are great. Ever since she moved in everything has been better. She's the best, but Kon knows that."

"I do." Conner has to smile. He had loved Cassie for years, but after their breakup he was glad she had found solace in Kara. Cassie had been dating his cousin for a while now, and he's glad they have each other.

"Good." Bart examines the bowl of popcorn on Conner's left. "You gonna eat that?"

"You just ate." Conner rolls his eyes. 

"Fast metabolism." Bart grins at him. Conner groans but nods his approval, and Bart has the batch gone in under five seconds. 

"Gross." Kara comments. 

Bart, ever the mature one, sticks his tongue out at her and eyes the two of them critically. "So what were the two of you arguing about? I could hear you from down the hallway."

Conner tenses up, but Kara has no problem spilling everything out. "Conner refuses to go see Tim. I'm trying to convince him but he's stubborn."

"He-oh." Bart glances at Conner with an apologetic look. "Well-ah. You know. They've grown apart. Maybe Tim doesn't care, either."

"But he does!" Kara protests. "I just saw him today."

"Maybe...maybe he just said that to be nice?" Bart suggests helpfully. 

Conner can't be any more relieved to have Bart there to cover for him, but Kara's nostrils are flaring and he knows what happens when Supers get too frustrated. 

"Men." She snaps. "So stupid." 

"Kara..." Conner placates. "Come on, it isn't that big of a deal."

"You being an ass and refusing, point-blank, to see your best friend, isn't a big deal? I guess I can get why you'd say that, but..." Kara trails off. 

"Uh, I'm gonna let you guys talk this out." Bart says awkwardly. "Later."

Before Conner can protest, he's gone. Cursing him inwardly, Conner sighs in defeat. So much for solidarity. 

Kara's still looking at him, half confused and half angry. "What if I went with you?" She proposes. 

Conner groans and throws his hands up in frustration. "You don't get it, Kara!" He exclaims. He knows he's being exasperating but he can't help it. His last nerve is fried. 

"Well, then, help me get it." Kara seems to be more patient now. She looks at her cousin with concerned eyes and suddenly Conner wants to tell her. 

He wants to tell Kara all about it. About everything. He wants to tell her how his whole world kind of came crashing down when he had gotten the phone call from Tim when he told Conner he was marrying Stephanie. He wants to tell her how he had fried poor Bart's coffee maker with his laser vision when he saw the pictures of their honeymoon. He wants to tell her how he had felt a like a literal hole was being punched into his heart when Cassie had broke the news that Stephanie was pregnant. He wants to tell her that seeing Tim would hurt him worse than anything. 

But he doesn't.

He doesn't, because the look in Kara's eyes is somewhere close to pity, and Conner doesn't do pity. So he shakes his head and says quietly, "It's nothing."

"It isn't nothing." Kara says firmly, scowling. "You don't want to talk to me about it, fine. But you at least owe Tim an explanation about why you're such a sour recluse who won't even see his best friend after almost two years."

Conner narrows his eyes at her and she stares back at him defiantly. If there's one thing that can be said about the Supers, it is that they are stubborn and unmoving. Kara is a perfect example of that. But then again, so is Conner. 

"Stephanie told me Tim gets really stressed out with his job." Kara says quietly. "She said sometimes not even Steph herself can make him feel better. It hurts her to see him upset. Those are the times when he needs his best friend, Kon." Kara pauses. "Those are the times he needs you."

Conner feels something in his heart stir. It's his protective nature, his need to take care of Tim. Sometimes, he thinks, your heart wins over your brain. Sometimes, even though your brain is screaming at you that something is a terrible idea, your heart yells even more loudly that you need to do it. 

This time, for the first time in a long time, his heart wins. 

"Okay." He says, his voice barely above a whisper. "Take me with you next time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo I hope y'all enjoy angst because angst is my specialty. Just a warning


	3. Chapter Two

Conner's palms are sweating when he and Kara lower themselves from the sky onto the nicely mown lawn in front of a good sized Victorian-style house in the suburbs. Looking at this house reminds him of exactly why he didn't want to come. 

Kara senses his apprehension and squeezes his hand. "Come on, Kon." She says gently. "Everything will work out, you'll see."

Conner swallows and follows as she walks up the step and rings the doorbell. His heart is pounding and he feels like he's going to be sick, and for a second he feels like being a coward and taking off. But right at that second the door is flung open. The girl nods once at them. "Hey, guys. Come in." 

Cassandra Cain looks just like Conner remembers her. Powerful, beautiful, strong. She's grown her hair out long and it looks nice on her. He remembers that time, so long ago, when he had crushed on her. That hadn't lasted long but she was a good kisser. That he remembered. 

She leads them into the foyer, where Jason is sprawled on the floor, staring at his phone. Conner admits it, he's surprised to see Tim's slightly psychotic older brother there. As if sensing his thoughts, Cass says, "Jason and I just came over for a bit, but we're leaving soon."

Jason glances up and raises an eyebrow at Conner. "Hey, clone boy. Long time, no see."

Conner nods and swallows thickly. Kara smiles encouragingly at him and engages in conversation with Cass while Jason appraises Conner again. "So." He says. "What brings you here after so long?"

So Tim's whole family probably thinks Conner is a jerk. Great. Conner is about to reply when he hears Stephanie's voice. He looks up to see her coming down the stairs, all lithe and graceful and beautiful. His heart stings. No wonder Tim's enthralled by her. 

"Oh, Kara! You're back. Good, I-" Suddenly Stephanie's gaze lands on Conner. Her eyes widen a bit and to his slight surprise, a huge smile lights her face. "Conner!" She laughs. Surprising him again, she flies into his arms and hugs him tightly around the middle. "Oh, my God! It's been so long! How are you?"

Conner feels an incredible amount of guilt. She doesn't seem mad at him for pushing away her husband. She isn't judging him or demanding answers from him. She just seems to be genuinely glad he finally made an appearance. "I-um-" He stammers, at a loss for words. 

Stephanie beams up at him. "Tim will be so happy." She insists. Conner looks at her expression and feels himself want to crumble. He can literally see the love she has for Tim etched onto her face. He heard it in the warmth in her voice when she spoke about him, too. It physically hurts him, but in some way, it kind of makes him feel better. Tim is loved unconditionally by Stephanie. That much is obvious. Tim deserves that, anyway. He deserves to be loved that much. 

"Cass, go find Tim, will you?" Stephanie turns to her sister-in-law, beaming. "I dunno what he's doing but I think he'll want to come see who's here." 

Conner feels his heart beating wildly. He feels sick to his stomach and suddenly he can't do this. He can't. He's considering an excuse to get out of there but comes up empty after racking his brain. Dammit. Why had he ever agreed to this? 

"Jason, get your feet off my coffee table." Conner freezes when he hears someone call from upstairs. The familiarity of the warm voice makes him feel even sicker. 

Jason sits up, narrowing his eyes. "How the hell-"

"You should know by now that I kind of know everything." Tim's smug voice returns, and now there are footsteps on the stairs. 

Conner closes his eyes and does his best to prepare himself for this unavoidable reunion. He sneaks a peak and sees that Tim's side is still to him, so he hasn't seen Conner yet. 

"This is why I don't come over." Jason grumbles. 

"Yeah, well, try telling that to your niece, who, for some reason, thinks you're the coolest person-" Tim stops dead in the middle of his sentence and everyone falls silent. 

Stephanie is smiling slightly, Cass' expression is unreadable, Jason suddenly looks amused, and Kara looks anxiously back and forth from Conner to Tim. 

When Conner dares to look at him, he wishes he hadn't. Tim looks the same as Conner remembers him, albeit older. Short, but well-built. Messy black hair that somehow never manages to stay out of his face. And those eyes. Piercing blue, a more mesmerizing shade than the ocean. Tim's eyes were irresistable, and right now Conner can't handle that. 

"Kon." Tim breathes, staring at him. 

"Stay tuned, ladies and gents." Jason breaks the awkward silence that had fallen on the group. "What will happen next on 'Return of the Bromance?' Will these two ever make up, or-"

"Shut up, Jason." Stephanie silences him with a glare and a kick to the ribs, which results in him howling in pain. He glares at her but she ignores him and says pointedly, "I have dessert in the kitchen. Cass, Kara, you want any?"

"Sure." Kara says, sending a meaningful look in Jason's direction. 

Jason gets up and follows them out, still scowling, and suddenly it's awkward and silent again. 

And then, out of nowhere, Tim crosses the room in three long strides and throws his arms around Conner, hugging him tightly. 

And it's bad. Tim's embrace makes Conner's pain worse. Because he can remember exactly everything he loves about Tim, and he can't do that now. Tim has a family. Tim is happy, and safe, for once in his life. Conner can't let himself get sucked into this. 

"Kon." Tim says again, sounding so happy Conner can hardly stand it. "This is...unexpected."

"Yeah." Conner says, trying not to dwell too much on how warm and wonderful Tim's embrace is. "Well, I figured I owed you an apology."

Tim beams up at him and Conner feels his heart shatter. Tim always had the most beautiful smile, when he chose to show it. "I'm just glad you're here. God, I miss you. I really do, Kon."

Conner swallows a lump in his throat and blinks furiously. "Yeah, I miss you too." Tim takes a step back from him to look him up and down and Conner feels a stab of disappointment at bring let go. He silently chides himself because he can't go there, he can't let himself do this. Instead he takes a deep breath and says, "Tim, man, I'm really sorry. What I did, it's not exactly classy."

"Kon, it's okay." Tim promises, his pretty blue eyes sparkling with happiness. "I understand you have your reasons, you don't have to explain them to me."

Conner feels a pang in his heart. Tim is just as loving and unselfish as Conner remembered him. He tries not to dwell on that, though, and instead continues, "No, I was wrong, and I'm sorry for hurting you. I should have been here."

Tim just grins. "Well, you are now." He gestures to the couch and they both take a seat. Conner is still befuddled by the fact that Tim hasn't stopped smiling since he saw Conner. Tim glances toward the kitchen and says conversationally, "Jason comes over whenever the stress gets to him. He says being in a 'normal' home calms him down."

"So he's stopped trying to kill you, then?" Conner asks. 

Tim laughs, and there goes Conner's heart again. Painfully reminding him that Tim's laugh is a really nice sound, one he wouldn't mind listening to all day. "Nah, he stopped trying to a while ago." Tim assures him. "I mean, he gets along better with Steph than he does with me, but it's alright. I like when he's here, for the most part."

"Steph kicked him in the ribs." Conner points out. 

Tim snorts. "That's my girl." He says it so tenderly and fondly that Conner feels that lump returning to his throat, but he pushes it back down. He cannot let his emotions betray him. "Anyway. What have you been up to?" Tim's questions interrupts Conner's silent epiphany. 

"Honestly? Not much. Fighting crime, keeping Bart out of trouble. The usual." Conner shrugs nonchalantly. 

"Yeah, he mentioned you two are roomies. How is that, by the way? Make you want to tear your head off?" Tim guesses. 

"Some days." Conner admits. "But for the most part it's nice. Not so lonely."

"Are you lonely, Kon?" Tim asks, and there's so much genuine concern in his voice it makes Conner feel like crying. 

He swallows thickly and lies, "No, I keep busy." Conner can't take the way Tim is looking at him, with so much care and worry, so he stand up and shoves his hands in his pockets. "I, uh, I think I should probably get going." He mutters. 

A wave of disappointment falls over Tim's face. "Will you at least stay and meet my daughter?"

Conner groans inwardly. That was the one thing he was hoping to avoid. But Tim is looking at him desperately and Conner feels so guilty that he reluctantly agrees. 

And when Tim returns a few moments later with a beautiful baby girl wriggling in his arms, Conner's chest aches even worse. The tiny human has Steph's blonde hair and Tim's bright eyes. Her grip is tight when she latches her little fingers onto Conner's index finger. Tim laughs affectionately when she blows bubbles at Conner, and even he has to smile. Her name is Summer, Tim tells him. She brings sunlight into their world. 

Conner can see her grown up, in this moment. She is a combination of Tim and Stephanie's good looks. She has Tim's charisma and Stephanie's fun personality. She has Tim's selflessness and Stephanie's kindness. She is going to be the perfect embodiment of both of them. 

And it hurts. Oh, God, does it hurt. 

Conner has to close his eyes for a moment, because this is a lot to take in and he isn't entirely sure he can get through the rest of this visit without silently calming himself down. 

Tim is playing peek-a-boo with Summer, now, and she's giggling in glee. There's so much love in Tim's eyes. Conner doesn't think he's seen Tim look so...happy. So peaceful. 

Back in the old days, Tim had been through some pretty bad shit. And he'd been depressed for a long time, and Conner hadn't been there for him because he had been, well, dead. But now, Tim is smiling more than Conner's ever seen him smile. It's both the most beautiful and most painful sight he's ever witnessed. 

For about the millionth time, Conner regrets ever coming here. Seeing Tim's picture perfect family has not been a good idea in the slightest. 

"I think she likes you." Tim's voice breaks into Conner's thoughts, nodding to Summer, who is happily grinning toothlessly at him. Conner's heart melts just a little bit. She really is an adorable little thing. He smiles weakly back at her and Tim casually throws an arm around him. "I know you want to get going but before you do, I just want you to know, I'm really glad you came. And, uh..." Tim trails off and glances around slightly nervously. "I, uh, I hope you'll consider coming back."

Conner looks around him at the tidy, spotless sitting room and the baby mat and mobile laying on the ground and clears his throat. "Um, I'll try." He doesn't know why he says it. He doesn't want to say it. But then again, he does want to at the same time. It's all so confusing. 

Tim looks so happy at Conner's answer that Conner feels a smile sneak its way onto his face, too. 

It's at that moment that the others decide to come back into the sitting room. "Kon, did you need to be back home?" Kara asks casually. 

He jumps up, never more grateful for her. He can't stand being here another minute. "Yeah, thanks."

Stephanie and Tim walk them to the door and Conner feels himself break a little bit more when she slides her arms around his waist and rests her head on his shoulder. Jason and Cass sneak past them, with Jason announcing, "I'd better get back to Roy and Kory. They've probably destroyed our place by now."

"Your roomates?" Conner asks, turning away from Tim, who has shifting to kiss Steph on the cheek. 

"More like sex buddies." Jason snickers and winks at him, and Conner actually wishes he would stay a bit so he doesn't have to stand here awkwardly in front of the lovebirds. 

"Uh, yeah. Okay, well." Conner says, embarrassed. "Bye, Tim. See you around, Stephanie."

Stephanie pecks Conner on the cheek. "Thanks for stopping by, Conner. It was a nice surprise." Her eyes twinkle at him. 

"Definitely. Come back soon, please." Tim goes in to hug Conner again and Conner sighs. Tim is still so small. Conner can lift him easily, he'd be light as a feather in his arms. But he can't do that. 

"I'll try." Conner says doubtfully. 

That's all Tim needs, and he beams as Kara and Conner fly off. 

He's silent on the way home and thankfully Kara doesn't push it. When she's gone, and he is certain Bart isn't home, Conner locks himself in the bathroom and cries. He hates that he can't help it, he hates that he feels weak and stupid, but today was a really bad idea. It hurt worse than anything, and Conner's been hurt a lot. 

He thinks of that stunning wedding band on Steph's finger, of Tim calling her "his girl" with so much love, of Summer, of Jason and Cass and obviously the rest of Tim's siblings having such a sweet niece, of Tim and Stephanie's cute little house, and he feels like he might fall apart at the seams. 

He wants Tim to be happy, but if Tim is happy, Conner can't be happy. It won't work. And yet, he cares about Tim's happiness more than his own. He always has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo this chapter was a challenge for me bc I didn't quite know how to approach it but I gave it my best and I think it's alright?? I'm always up for constructive criticism though, if you have any don't even hesitate to give me some :) Thank you for the love on this so far!


	4. Chapter Three

Bart is the best best friend, and the best person to live with. Despite his obnoxious eating and messy living space, Bart has a heart of gold. As soon as he had gotten back from his day out with Rose and found Conner sitting miserably on his bed, the speedster had hugged him around the middle and whispered, "I'm really sorry." And when Conner had said he didn't want to talk about it, Bart suggested Mario Kart instead. He had enough tact to recognize when Conner didn't want to think about anything anymore. 

So here they sit, three hours later, eyes still glued to the TV. Bart has beaten Conner eighteen times, but Conner tells himself it's only because he's off his game today. 

"DIE!" Bart screams as he careens his cart into Conner's and speeds on ahead. 

"It's a game, pal." Conner's mouth quirks up in a hint of a smile for the first time that day. 

"I'm not losing to you." Bart insists, his tongue sticking out in concentration as he makes his cart zoom around a corner. 

"Just once, can't you?" Conner counters. 

Bart snickers and shakes his head, and right at that moment the doorbell rings. He bites his lip and sneaks a somewhat guilty look at Conner, who narrows his eyes. 

"Bart, what did you do?" Conner sighs. Bart shrugs and slides farther down in his seat while Conner goes to open the door. 

Standing in front of him is Cassie, her golden hair tied up in a messy knot and a sheepish smile on her face. "Bart gave me a call a little while ago. Said you might need someone to talk to. I just got home from grocery shopping but I thought I'd stop by." She says. 

"I'm-I'm fine." Conner lies. 

Cassie ignores that and pulls him into her arms. She's warm and comforting to be close to, and Conner exhales deeply. It's so easy to remember why he fell in love with her so long ago. It isn't that way anymore, but she's still his best friend and the familiarity of her comfort is already making some of the tension leave his body. "Talk to me." She says quietly. 

So that's how, five minutes later, they're seated on top of Conner's bed and he's taking a deep breath, shaky and nervous. 

"Conner, it's just me." Cassie says softly. "We may not be together anymore but you can still tell me anything."

Conner closes his eyes and takes another shuddery breath. Cassie takes his hand in hers and waits patiently until he finally speaks. "I went to visit Tim today." 

When Conner opens his eyes, Cassie is smiling widely at him. "Really? That's great! You guys made up?"

"Cassie." Conner says, instead of answering that. "There's something you should know."

She looks at him expectantly, with so much love and genuine care. "Yes?"

Conner closes his eyes again and says, so quickly that he could give Bart a run for his money, "I'm in love with him."

Cassie gently lifts Conner's chin up and looks into his eyes. Then, surprising him, she says kindly, "Oh, honey. I know."

"You-what?" Conner gapes at her, temporarily forgetting how miserable he feels to be baffled instead. "How? Did Bart-"

She shakes her head. "Conner, come on. Bart didn't tell me. I've known you for years. I was in love with you for so long, and I know you better than anyone. When you talk about Tim, you have the same look in your eyes that you did when you were in love with me."

Conner sighs. "That obvious, huh?"

"To everyone but Tim, maybe." Cassie nods. "Well, and Kara and Steph."

Conner lets out a weak, dry chuckle and Cassie rubs his back comfortingly. "Kon, I'm so sorry." She says. "I can't even imagine how much this hurts."

"A lot." Conner admits, his chest aching painfully once again.

They're quiet for a moment, and then Cassie says quietly, "You know, when you d-died, we were all utter messes. But in all my life, I've never seen Tim like that before." She pauses and looks into his sad eyes with her own. "He lost all that light in himself. He was just so different after you were gone. It scared me."

"Where...where are you going with this?" Conner asks hoarsely. 

"My point is that he loves you. Maybe not in the way you want him to, but he does." Cassie tells him. "After you cut him out of your life, he was miserable again. I mean, it was better because he had Steph this time around, but... he doesn't want to live his life without you, Kon. You're the greatest friend he's ever had. Don't let him lose you again."

"Cass." Conner says, trying not to let his emotions betray him. "I can't do it. His family..."

"Knows how much Tim cares about you. Stephanie was probably thrilled when you came over." Cassie finishes his sentence for him. 

Conner remembers that look of joy on her face when Tim saw his best friend standing in their sitting room, and he can't deny that she's right. 

Cassie takes his hand again and leans her head on his shoulder. "I realize this is a really hard thing for you. All I'm saying is that you need to at least try. And you know I'm always here. I'll help you through this."

"Thanks." Conner mumbles, leaning into Cassie.

"Kon?"

"Mmhm."

"You deserve happiness." Cassie fixes him with one of her signature steely stares. "You know that, right?"

"Well-"

"Not good enough." She cuts him off abruptly. "You deserve someone who will love you right, and that person may not be Tim, but he's out there. Or she, I guess." She clears her throat and continues, "Anyway, you're worth it. I should know." Conner doesn't realize he has a few tears in his eyes till Cassie them away gently. "Oh, sweetie." She sighs. "It'll get better."

"You are honestly the best." Conner says truthfully. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

Cassie smirks. "Good point. I am pretty amazing."

"You are." He says fervently. 

She leans in to peck his cheek and smiles. "I'm always going to be happy that you were my first love. Every time I look back on our time together, I just...you were the greatest boyfriend, Kon. Anyone would be lucky to have you." Conner kisses her forehead and she leans in to tackle him in a huge hug. "I love you." She adds. "A lot."

"I love you, too." Conner smiles and hugs her back tightly. 

Right in this moment, he's felt better than he has all day. He is significantly cheered up, and it's thanks in large part to Cassie, who knew just what to do, as always. 

Conner is going to have to talk to Bart and thank him for bringing Cassie in for support. The little twerp really is brilliant. 

Having Cassie's support and love grounds Conner. As far as ex-girlfriends go, Cassie is the best. And she's an even better friend. 

For the rest of the evening, the two of them and Bart spend their time playing video games and watching movies. Bart never once stops talking until Cassie lets "accidentally" slip that she had once slept with Rose, and then he's speechless. 

Conner stifles his snorts at his best friend, whose eyebrows disappear into his wild hair. "You-you two-" Bart sputters. 

"Us two." Cassie responds cheerfully, winking at Conner. 

"When?" Bart gapes. 

"Oh, a long time ago. Long before you two got together." Cassie assures him. 

"But-but you two hate each other." Bart protests, like that is actually a real point. 

"And?" Cassie shrugs. "You don't have to like someone to have sex with them."

Bart looks at Conner with huge eyes. "Is it weird that this is turning me on a little?"

"Bart!" Cassie smacks him playfully. "Don't test me, kiddo."

Conner just watches them banter back and forth, snipping at each other. A tiny smile creeps onto his face, and he feels content at the moment. 

Eventually, they start to drift off. Cassie and Bart both snuggle up on either side of Conner and use him and their own personal pillows. Conner doesn't mind, because it's been a hard day and having the people he loves so close to him feels really, really good. It feels like old times, and it feels nice. 

It almost takes Conner's mind off of the gaping hole in his heart. 

Almost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was a little bit of a filler chapter, I just thought I'd throw in some koncassie because I love them so much??? Anyways as always feedback is appreciated and you can be as brutal as you want :)


	5. Chapter Four

It's been a week, and Conner has gone back to avoiding Tim's attempt at contact again. He hates himself for it, especially since Tim and Steph have been so forgiving and understanding towards him, but he isn't a masochist. He can't put himself through pain like that every damn day. No, life was easier when he pretended Tim didn't exist. Not better, but easier. 

It's half past noon and he's just gotten back from a particularly nasty fight against some wannabe, copycat Joker, stiff on all sides. The guy was no expert, but his hits still hurt. 

Conner has barely kicked off his shoes and flopped on the couch when Bart zips into the apartment and pounces on the couch beside him. "Uhh, Conner." The hyperactive boy says, fidgeting nervously. "I have to tell you something."

"What is it?" Conner mumbles sleepily, trying to ignore the shifty look in Bart's eye. He doesn't like that look at all. 

"Um, well, Tim and Stephanie are having this big dinner at their house and they invited us and I said yes. Uh, for both of us, that is."

Conner sits up at that and narrows his eyes at his friend. "You did what?" He snaps. 

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? Tim and Steph are both really good at the puppy dog look, you know? I couldn't say no. Besides," Bart adds hurriedly, noting Conner's dangerous expression, "There will be a lot of other people there. No need for anything to be awkward."

"Bart." Conner sighs. He knows Bart talks before he thinks, and he also knows Bart has a heart of gold. But just once, it would be nice if Bart had slowed down before he signed Conner up for what was sure to be a disaster. 

"Lots of people!" Bart promises, still looking sheepish. "I got Rose to agree to it, Cassie and Kara are going, Jason and his roomates are going, Cass will be there..." He trails off and snaps his finger, remembering. "Oh! And Dick even got Wally to agree to it, even though Wally isn't a huge fan of parties. Guess that's what having a persistent boyfriend will do to you."

Conner nearly chokes. "Boyfriend?"

"Well, yeah." Bart says in amusement. "Didn't you know?"

"No." Conner says, fidgeting. "I haven't talked to Tim. You think I talk to his family?" Then again, Wally was Bart's family....

"Ah, I was sure I mentioned it." Bart frowns, as if reading his mind. "Oh well. Anyway, yeah. Wally and Dick have been together about two months now." 

"Wonderful." Conner says, realizing he sounds slightly bitter. 

Bart's quiet for a moment, and then, not at all sounding like himself, he says, "Cassie's better at this than I am, but I think getting used to the fact that Tim is settled down is a good idea. I know how you feel about him and I get that it hurts but...there isn't anything you can do, and isn't it better just being his friend rather than never talking to him?"

Conner looks at Bart's big, wide eyes and sighs. He can feel himself starting to crack, and he hates it. The truth is, he wants to stay friends with Tim, really. It's just that he doesn't know how to be around Tim and not feel hurt. But then again, maybe...maybe he can try again. "I guess one night wouldn't be too bad." Conner finally concedes, albeit a bit grumpily. 

Bart's whole face lights up. "Oh, yeah! Awesome! Now I have someone to blame if I drop something!"

Conner rolls his eyes. "Bart, no one is going to believe I dropped anything when you're there. You're kind of a walking disaster, you know."

"Hey!" Bart protests, but he's grinning at his best friend. 

The day seems to go by in a whirlwind. Before Conner can adjust to the idea of this party, Rose is at their door and Cassie and Kara are right behind him. The two of them both put their arms around Conner and kiss either cheek. 

"I'm glad you're coming." Kara says, smiling at him. 

"I'm proud of you." Cassie adds sincerely, a bit quieter so Kara can't hear her. 

Conner only nods, but his stomach is twisted in knots. He ignores Rose trying to trip him and flipping him off when he avoids her foot and tries to tell himself everything will be fine. Like Bart had said earlier, lots of people would be there. Maybe Conner wouldn't even have to talk to Tim. 

Fat chance. 

Their group leaves all together, chatting amongst themselves. Kara catches up with Bart and Rose, but Cassie stays behind and links her arm through Conner's. "You okay?" She asks knowingly. 

"I, uh... yeah, I guess." Conner mutters. 

Cassie narrows her eyes at him. Conner may be the one with x-ray vision, but she's always been able to see right through him. "Kon, I know when you're lying to me."

"What do you want me to say?" Conner snaps at her. "That I'm scared of my heart breaking into a million little pieces all over again when I see Tim's perfect life? That I don't want to go but I'm doing it because maybe, if I get used to seeing him with a family it'll start getting easier? There you go, Cass. Happy?"

Cassie's gaze is kind and understanding, despite Conner blowing up at her. "No." She says. "I'm not happy when you aren't."

Conner sighs. "I'm sorry for biting your head off."

"S'okay." Cassie smiles a bit. "I get that you're stressed, and worried. I just want to help."

"I know you do." Conner says, exhaling and calming down a bit. 

The rest of the trip (well, flight) there is quiet, but when the five of them arrive at the modest Victorian home, Cassie squeezes Conner's hand. "It'll be okay." She murmurs. 

The door is opened by Stephanie, who is cradling baby Summer in her arms. Her blond hair is immaculate and she looks just as beautiful as ever as she beams around at all of them. "Come in!" She says cheerily. She greets each of them with a one armed hug and kisses Conner on the cheek. "I'm glad you're back." She says honestly. 

Conner smiles weakly at her and they all head into the dining room. There is a long table taking up the room, and the place settings are perfectly placed. Everything looks beautiful and homey, and Conner can't help the what-if's. What if he had just told Tim, long ago? Would this be their life, now? Conner would have gladly given up the hero lifestyle, if that's what Tim wanted. He would give Tim anything. What if this was their dinner party, with their friends? What if it were Conner with his arms around Tim's tiny waist as the other cooked for the evening, gently kissing him all over until Tim would smack him with his stirring spoon, because he needed to pay attention to what he was doing? What if Conner could have adopted a kid with Tim? Would it be a boy, or a girl, and what would they have named it? Conner is inwardly kicking himself, over and over. To think maybe, if he had just told Tim the truth years ago, maybe this could be him? That stings more than almost anything. 

"Steph, did you do all this?" Kara asks, admiring the decorations. 

Steph laughs and admits she didn't, as she passes Summer to Jason, who has suddenly breezed into the dining room. Conner watches out of the corner of his eye as Jason bounces the baby girl on his knee and makes faces at her. He's never seen the man so...relaxed. So happy. If even Jason could find content somehow, what was wrong with Conner?

"No, I did it." Tim's voice jolts Conner out of his reverie. He feels his heart muscles constrict painfully and tug at him. Tim looks as though he's tried to do his hair, but it keeps sticking up and then flopping down. Typical. 

"You most certainly did not." A voice calls from the kitchen. "Take credit for my work again, sir, and I will never again help you out."

Tim and Stephanie both laugh and she puts her arm around his waist. "Alfred." She says fondly. "The guy came out just to help us this evening. Let's be real, between Tim and I, if we'd done this alone nothing would look this nice."

The rest of them laugh and Tim finally notices Conner standing awkwardly between Cassie and Bart. His eyes light up and he makes his way to him, hugging him around the middle. "You know, you kind of ruin my street cred when you're around."

"You have street cred?" Conner snorts. 

"Obviously. Got a hardass rep to protect." Tim laughs, his blue eyes sparkling. Conner can't look in his eyes. He can't do it. 

"Don't listen to him, Conner." Stephanie pipes up. "His 'hardass rep' ended the first time he held Summer. Cried like a baby himself." Tim's cheeks turn pink and he throws a good-natured look at Stephanie. Conner can't help thinking he's pretty now, even blushing like he is. God, he's in trouble. This is never going to end, is it?

"What can I say?" Tim shrugs. "She's my first kid. Stephie went through a lot during that pregnancy. I was emotionally compromised."

Only Timothy Drake-Wayne would use the phrase "emotionally compromised," Conner thinks. 

Soon enough, everyone's been seated and dinner is served, everyone chatting animatedly to one another. There are so many people surrounding him and yet Conner's never felt more alone. Everyone here is happy and at ease, with loved ones and family and friends. It doesn't help that Dick and Wally are sitting across from Conner, and they keep stealing kisses over their plates. He also notices that a few spots down, Jason is holding the hand of a redhead beneath the table. Conner vaguely remembers his name is Roy, but it doesn't matter anyway, because all he wants is to go back home. 

When it's an appropriate time, Conner pushes himself away and excuses himself. He finds himself in the sitting room, where Summer is napping in a play-pen. She really does look so much like Tim that it hurts. 

Conner is so lost in a train of thought he almost doesn't notice when Tim plops down next to him. "I feel like I haven't talked to you all night." He says apologetically. "Sorry, man. It's a bit hectic."

Conner instantly feels guilty. Here he'd been avoiding Tim for another week and here's Tim, apologizing for something as little as this. "Don't worry about it." Conner insists. 

Tim stifles a yawn. "Long day." He groans. "These assholes at work weren't doing anything right. I had to fix it all for them. Got stuck there overtime and in the process was late coming home. The corporate world is a nasty business, I'm telling you."

"Oh." Conner says, not really sure what to say, because he can't really relate. "Sorry to hear that."

Tim chuckles. "Sometimes I miss it." He admits. "The vigilante bit. It sometimes seems a lot more enjoyable than sitting behind a desk all day."

"Yeah?" Conner starts to grin. "We could go out, you and me. Just for old time's sake."

Tim's smile fades. "I can't, Kon. Not now. If anything were to happen to me, well. I can't have a widow and a fatherless daughter."

Conner feels his heart deflate a bit, but he ignores that sharp pain in his chest. "Jason seems to really like her." He changes the subject quickly. 

"He does." Tim's eyes sparkle again. "He adores her. Actually, so does Damian. But Damian doesn't like me, so his coming over here is rare."

Conner chuckles a bit along with Tim, and they're quiet for a bit until Tim queries, "Kon?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you... are you happy?" Tim hesitates. "Because I look at you and sometimes I just...I worry." Conner looks over at him, and Tim's eyes are full of concern. Conner feels his heart twinge uncomfortably. "I want you to be happy. You deserve to be. Are you?" Tim adds. 

Conner wills himself not to break down, right there. He's staring right into Tim's caring eyes, in deeper than he wants to be. And Tim is full of so much kindness and concern that Conner can't tell him the truth. "Yeah, Timmy." He whispers hoarsely. "I'm really happy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case u cant tell already i really like angst


	6. Chapter Five

On nights when there are no psycho killers or drug dealers or evil metas on the loose, there is nothing to do. Conner and Bart's place isn't that big, and they don't have a ton of options. But they always make do, and tonight they do that by microwaving nachos for a movie night. Unfortunately, Bart forgets they are in there and the microwave sounds like it's going to explode. Conner gets there in time to open the door and waft the steam away, coughing from the burnt smell. 

"Sorry?" Bart grins sheepishly at him. 

Conner shakes his head good-naturedly and dumps the plate. He has just arranged a new one when the doorbell rings. He hears voices in the hall but remembering what had happened last time, doesn't leave the nachos until they're done properly. 

His heart nearly jumps out of his cheat when he sees the people who were at the door are Cassie and...Tim. Conner looks at Bart, who shrugs apologetically. 

"Hey, you two!" Cassie sings, leaping over a DVD on the floor to hug Conner. "You guys ready?"

"Uhh." Conner clears his throat. "For what, exactly?"

Tim is examining the loft with a slight smile. With a jolt, Conner is reminded Tim hasn't ever even been here before. "Well, Steph is having a girls night and Jason and Dick volunteered to watch Summer, so Cassie and Bart and I thought it would be fun if we all hung out." Tim explains. 

"Bart never told you, did he?" Cassie adds, suddenly catching onto Conner's clueless expression. 

"I forgot!" Bart yelps when she kicks him subtly. "I honestly did."

"Oh, is it a bad time?" Tim looks disappointed. 

Conner can't take that disappointment. "Uh, no. It was just a surprise, is all. But you know, it's a good one."

Tim's face lights up in a smile and Conner thinks there is nothing in the world more beautiful than that smile. 

In a few minutes, they're all squeezed onto Conner and Bart's small couch watching reruns of Parks & Recreation and there's no room to move where they're sitting. Conner is on the end, next to Tim, who is so close to Conner he can't focus. Bart is on Tim's other side, his head in Cassie's lap. 

"April is so hot." Cassie comments. 

"So are you." Bart makes kissy lips at her and she swats at him. 

"We both have girlfriends, idiot." She reminds him. 

"Foursome?"

"Yeah, you wish."

"It would be fun." Bart teases her. 

"Hmm, no thanks." She says loftily. 

"Will both of you shut up?" Conner and Tim grumble at the same time. They both turn to look at each other and start laughing. Bart sticks out his tongue at them because he's super mature, but Cassie just laughs too. 

Two minutes later, Bart spills the entire bowl of popcorn all over the floor. 

"Bart." Conner, Cassie, and Tim all groan collectively. 

Bart pouts at them and they can't stay annoyed at him, even if it's only fake annoyance. Conner tells Bart to go make another bowl and the rest of them scoop up the popcorn to throw it away. As they reach for kernels, Tim's hand accidentally brushes Conner's. Tim doesn't think anything of it but a shudder goes through Conner's body. He ignores the tingle and exhales sharply, scooting farther away from Tim. It's infuriating, really, that a little thing like that can make him feel sparks exploding in his chest. 

Tim looks up when Conner moves over and asks, "Something wrong?"

"Nah, man." Conner says breezily. 

From her spot picking kernels off the carpet, Cassie catches his eye and throws him a sympathetic look. 

Thankfully, Bart returns with the new bowl soon and they're all seated again shortly. Once again Conner wishes he weren't so close to Tim, but he doesn't want to hurt Tim's feelings by trading spots with Bart. 

When they've watched about six episodes of Parks & Rec, Bart's eyelids look droopy and Tim's nodding off onto Conner's shoulder. Conner tries to ignore how warm and soft Tim feels. Cassie, bless her soul, chooses this moment to yell at both Tim and Bart to wake up, and they both blink blearily. 

"The night is still young." Cassie says mock-sternly. 

"It's ten already." Tim yawns. 

"Since when do you ever sleep?" Conner snorts, remembering the days Tim used to come to the Tower completely sleep-deprived, running on caffeine and sole willpower. 

Tim kicks Conner's shin playfully. "Since I became a dad. Kids tire you out worse than crimefighting. I finally get why Bruce is such a grump."

"Yeah, raising four emo bats can't have been easy." Bart says innocently. 

Tim chucks a pillow at him that Cassie catches and throws back at him. He ducks, though, and it hits Conner, who ironically isn't quite so fast. "Sorry, Kon!" She groans. 

"It's Tim's fault." Conner responds, faking annoyance. 

Tim's eyes widen and he exclaims, "That was supposed to be for Bart!"

"Too bad." Conner snickers and before Tim can react, he throws the pillow back at Tim with so much force it knocks him over. "Sorry." Conner says mockingly, bending over to help the little bird up. 

Instead of accepting Conner's hand to stand, Tim yanks him on the ground and pounces on him instead. "Jackass." He laughs, trying to pin Conner's arms to the ground. 

"Why do you always forget I'm stronger than you?" Conner taunts him, flipping him over so he has Tim pinned to the ground. 

They're both breathing hard, Conner staring at him until Tim bursts out laughing. "Okay, you win. Let me go."

"Nope." Conner grins at him. "You're being punished."

Bart clears his throat and Conner looks up to see him and Cassie eyeing the two of them apprehensively. Conner immediately hops off Tim and offers him a hand up. "Sorry." He mutters, bright red. He had lost his head for a moment, but it wasn't like anything happened. 

"Nothing to be sorry for." Tim rolls his eyes. "Honestly, Kon. Stop apologizing for everything. Best friends are allowed to have fun, y'know."

"Anyway!" Bart says loudly, breaking the slight tension. "Let's play a game."

"Like what?" Conner asks, avoiding Tim's searching gaze. 

"Never Have I Ever?" Cassie suggests. 

"How old are we, ten?" Tim teases. 

"Shut the fuck up, Drake. I can kick your ass in two seconds flat and have zero regrets." Cassie says cheerfully. 

"She's right, you know." Conner whispers to him. 

"Your lack of faith in me is heartwarming." Tim pretends to look hurt. 

"I have plenty of faith in you." Conner mumbles, not meeting his eyes. 

Cassie starts out their game and when it comes around to Conner, he glances at her and Bart wickedly and says innocently, "Never have I ever...slept with Rose."

"Kon!" Bart's face is bright red. 

Tim snorts and starts laughing so hard he can barely breathe but he stops when he sees that Cassie has put her plastic chip in the pile along with Bart's. Unlike Bart however, she looks perfectly comfortable. 

Tim gapes at her. "You-you-that's a joke right?"

Cassie grins at him. "Nope."

"You slept with Rose?" Tim asks in disbelief. 

"She was good." Cassie says. "Really good. If you've never had angry sex, I recommend it."

Tim looks at Conner in complete shock and Conner can't help laughing. Bart looks like he's holding in a snort, and suddenly they're all laughing so hard they can't breathe. 

"I don't know why this is so funny." Bart wheezes, shaking with laughter. 

"It's not." Cassie giggles, wiping tears of laughter away. "We're idiots."

"The biggest idiots." Tim agrees, adding, "We've gotta stop. My cheeks hurt."

It's Conner that notices that Cassie's still crying and it seems different now. "Uh, Cass? You okay?" He asks. 

Cassie smiles and sighs, looking around fondly around at them all. "This feels like old times." She admits. "I don't know why I'm crying except I'm on my period and I'm in a room of dumb males who don't get it but I'm extra hormonal. And we haven't been all together like this in forever and I miss you guys and you're my best friends and I love you all a lot and-"

Bart breaks her rambling off by squeezing her in a hug and Tim and Conner follow suit, crushing her in a giant hug. "Stop it, you assholes. Stop." She says, her voice muffled. She's smiling when they break apart, though, and she flops back in her chair. "Sorry about that, guys."

"Don't be." Conner assures her. 

They've abandoned their game now and Cassie announces (not asks) that she's staying the night because she needs the time with her boys and Kara is still with Steph, anyway, who apparently says that Tim should stay the night too if Jason and Dick don't mind staying the night at their house. 

Conner can only hear half of Tim's phone conversation, but it sounds like Dick can't stay. "Jason, do this one favour for me." He hears Tim beg. And then, "Because you love me?" Pause. "Okay, maybe not me. But you do love my daughter. Do it for her."

When Tim hangs up, he's grinning. "Jay can't resist. He loves Summer more than he hates doing things for me."

Conner admits he feels a bit childish having a sleepover. He feels like he's fifteen all over again, but it also feels nice. Like Cassie had said, it had been too long since they were all together. He had forgotten how much he missed this. These three people had been with him since the very beginning. They were his rocks. His best friends in the entire world. He doesn't even complain when they all crawl into his bed at different points. 

"I'm not sleeping on the floor." Cassie announces, flopping next to Conner. 

"I'm lonely in my own bed." Bart pouts, scooting Cassie over to lay down too. 

"I'm cold." Tim singsongs, climbing in on Conner's other side. 

Conner is too tired to feel worried about it, but when he wakes up the next morning and looks around at his still sleeping friends, he can't help but notice how peaceful and pretty Tim looks. He's snoring lightly, his hair falling in his face. Conner could kiss Tim's cheek and no one would ever know. He could. But he won't. 

Instead, he squeezes Tim's hand and heads to the kitchen to get started on breakfast. And he thinks, maybe, just maybe, things will be easier now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I thought I'd give the angst a break for a minute and just write the ot4 instead and it was soso much fun to write it oh my god I love them so much I could go on forever but anyways. No angst today :-)


	7. Chapter Six

Conner isn't sure what exactly possesses him to agree to baby-sit Tim's kid while he and Steph go out for a date night. Maybe it was the pleading tone in Tim's voice, he had sounded so desperate. Maybe it was the fact that Conner had nothing else to do. Or maybe he just really liked putting himself in situations that would make him ache. He's not sure when he became such a sadist, but in any case, he's at Tim and Steph's house right on time. 

Tim opens the door and lets him in gratefully. "You have no idea how much we appreciate this, Kon." He says fervently. "It's been forever since the two of us have actually been out together."

Kon ignores the uncomfortable pain in his heart and forces a smile. "Yeah, no problem. I'm happy to do it."

Tim then launches into an explanation about all of Summer's routines including dinnertime, playtime, and bedtime, and he's in the middle of telling Conner exactly how to get the temperature of the bottle right when Steph comes into the room with the baby on her hip. She laughs a bit at Tim's urgency and says, "Tim, honey, they're going to be fine."

"I know they will, I'm just making sure Kon won't have any problems." Tim says, taking Summer from her and cradling her gently in his arms. "She loves to snuggle." He says fondly. 

"We should get going if we want to make our reservations." Steph reminds him, glancing at her phone. 

"They're in Bruce's name, we'll be fine." Tim assures her, winking at Kon. He kisses Summer's forehead before passing her to Conner, who cradles her. 

Summer stares up at him and gurgles, and he smiles slightly back at him. She's so tiny, so light. She weighs nothing in his arms. 

"She's really a very happy, easy baby. You shouldn't have any problems. Drama Queen here is just freaking out over nothing." Stephanie tells Conner, putting an arm around Tim. 

"But with new people she can be a bit-" Tim is cut off when Steph pinches his arm. 

"Conner will be great with her, Tim. Move it." She laughs. She shoos him to the doorway to put his shoes on and squeezes Conner's hand. "Thanks so much for doing this. You're the best." She tells him. 

"She's right, you know." Tim's muffled voice floats back to them. 

Conner has to laugh along with Stephanie, and he waves at the door as they get into their car. He closes the door behind him and plops onto the couch with Summer still in his arms. "Well." He says to her, lifting her up so she can see him properly. "What should we do, hmm? Dinner sound good?" He knows she can't talk but it's too quiet around here. 

Summer stares back at him with Tim's bright blue eyes and blows a bubble, giggling as it pops. He smiles back at her and takes her into the kitchen, setting her down in her high chair for dinner. 

Baby food, Conner decides, is disgusting. Whoever decided mixed beans and carrots pureed was a good idea had to have been on something. Because really, how could babies even enjoy that? But Summer seems to gobble it up willingly, so maybe they really don't mind. She finishes the jar and he gives her a few bites of applesauce for dessert, then wipes her face and carries her back to the sitting room. He lays her down with her mobile and sits close to keep an eye on her while his thoughts run away with him. 

Ever since he, Cassie, Bart and Tim had the sleepover, he had felt a tiny bit better about things. It was becoming easier to be around Tim now, even around Steph. It wasn't ideal to be on the outside for him, and it still hurt, but at least now he doesn't feel like he'll shatter completely every time he sees Tim and Steph together. That's a plus, he tells himself. 

He's distracted by Summer whining on him, so he quickly picks her up and pats her back, walking her around the room. She's still fussing and little tears have gathered in the corner of her eyes so he says softly, "Shh, it's alright." He continues to soothe her and he finally feels her relax in his arms. She opens those big blue eyes and then starts to smile at him, and he smiles back. His whole heart melts when she buries her head into him and yawns sleepily, curling close to him. 

When bedtime rolls around, he feeds her a bottle and her little eyes open and shut tiredly as she drinks it. She's almost completely asleep when he goes to lay her down in her crib, but when he lowers her gently her little fist grabs onto his shirt and she fusses a bit as if to say not yet. So he lets her cuddle in a bit more until she's content again, and then he puts her down to sleep and closes the door behind him. 

The house is quiet now, and Conner finds that he's lonely and actually missing Summer's company. Great. So he's in love with Tim and now he has a soft spot for his daughter, too. This is exactly what he doesn't need, he thinks. He slumps down onto the couch and yawns, and eventually curls up and falls asleep himself. 

 

 

When he wakes up next, Tim is shaking him. "Rise and shine, sunshine." He laughs. "Sleep well?"

"Shit, sorry." Conner groans, rubbing his eyes. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"It's totally fine. Steph and I pass out after Summer's in bed all the time. Babies are exhausting." Tim pauses. "How was she, by the way?"

"Pretty near perfect." Conner tells him. "She barely fussed at all."

"Really?" Tim looks surprised. "She usually has a bit of trouble with new people. Maybe you'll take Jason's spot for her new favourite person."

Conner smiles half-heartedly and pulls himself off the couch. "I guess I'll get going."

"Wait, let me pay you." Tim protests. 

"Tim, you're my best friend. I'm not letting you pay me for this. Really. I don't mind." Conner stops him. 

"But-"

"No buts." Conner says firmly, backing out of the room. "I was happy to do it." Without another word, he's gone into the night.

 

 

He's expecting that Bart probably waited up when he gets home, and he's right. "Hey, Bart." He says easily, faking a smile. 

"So how was it?" Bart eyes him knowingly. 

"It was...good. Yeah, smooth sailing." Conner says slowly. 

"Okay." Bart pauses. "And how are you feeling?"

"I'm...fine."

"You don't look fine." Bart bites on his lower lip and narrows his eyes. He isn't stupid. He can tell when his best friend isn't feeling his best, and clearly baby-sitting for Tim and Stephanie had not been a good idea. Though Bart could have told Conner that himself. 

"I-no, I swear." Conner shrugs. "I mean, it was babysitting. It's not like I was watching Tim and Steph have sex on the couch or something."

But still, there's pain etched onto his face. Bart's known him long enough to know when he's holding his true feelings back. Bart shifts back and forth on the balls of his feet and squints at Conner's tired eyes and his downcast expression. "Kon." He suddenly says slowly. "Have you ever... you know, uh, actually kissed a guy?"

Conner looks over at him in surprise. "No." He frowns at him. "Just girls."

"Would you, well, want to try?" Bart asks, sounding kind of like he wishes he were invisible. 

"Well, sure, I mean it would be nice but-Bart, what are you-" Conner's cut off by Bart zooming up to him and before he knows what's happening, Bart has his lips pressed to his. 

For a moment, all Conner registers is shock, his eyes popping wide. Then he has a slight second where he's about to push Bart off because what the FUCK-but then Bart lets his hands slide under Conner's jacket, up his back and Conner finally relaxes into the kiss. When he's past that initial feeling of total bewilderment, it feels nice. Bart's lips are soft but intense, crushing his hard. Conner hesitates and then puts his arms around Bart's waist and kisses him back and all he can think is it isn't kissing Tim, but it's something. 

When they break apart, Bart is flushed. Conner is sure he is, too. "Bart." He stares at his friend, who looks guilty. 

"Don't tell Rose." Bart cracks a smile. 

"I wasn't planning on it. But-what..." Conner breathes. 

"Kon, you may not ever get to kiss Tim. But you deserved a chance to kiss a guy. I figured it may as well be someone who cares about you." Bart shrugs, trying to seem nonchalant. 

Conner's face spreads into a smile. "I can't believe you just did that." He admits. 

"Was it bad?" Bart raises one eyebrow. 

"No, no. It was really good, actually." Conner admits. "I still just kind of can't believe it really happened."

Bart grins at him. "Tim's missing out. You're a good kisser."

"You have a girlfriend, Bartholomew." Conner teases him, snickering. 

"Don't go getting any ideas, now. That was a one time thing. I love you, but not like that." Bart makes a face at him. 

Conner laughs along with him. "Yeah, ditto." His tone turns more serious. "Um, Bart, uhh, thanks. That was a really cool thing for you to do."

Bart waves him off. "Nah, it was nothing."

"No, it wasn't." Conner says sincerely. "You are probably the best friend to exist, you know."

"Just 'cos I kissed you doesn't mean you have to get all sappy on me." Bart grouches, but he's smiling. 

Conner sweeps him up in a rib-crushing hug, and Bart protests, "Hey!" but he hugs Conner back and laughs. 

"You're the best. Thank you." Conner tells him. 

"I know." Bart snickers when Conner rolls his eyes and adds, "In all seriousness, you're welcome."

Conner thinks everyone should have someone like Bart in their lives. The world would be a better place if everyone had a Bart of their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to apologize for this chapter being so bad. It was really more of a filler than anything, and I promise the rest won't be as terribly boring as today's update was. That being said I hope my dear friend Laura likes the Bart part because I know how much she loves him and honestly me too. But anyway. IM REALLY SORRY


End file.
